Heavier Things

Here is an update on my life:

I spend countless hours at my internship. I write about a million papers for my Plantijn classes and for my UMaine online classes. I attend classes. I read articles and post responses weekly. I partake in the occasional weekend fun, but it is a rarity. I feel guilty about it the next day. I defend my home country and state on a daily basis and it is exhausting. I struggle through language barriers and cultural/personal differences. I am constantly explaining where I come from and why I act the way I do, which is emotionally draining. I somehow fit in time to learn some Dutch to please others. I work on my portfolio and kill about 50 trees in the process in order to prove my competence. I complete multiple applications for my senior year and I worry about these uncertainties. I try to find time to look at classes for the fall and need to sign up this week. I experience a slight case of home sickness for a short period of time every day. [I complain about these things on my blog. haha]. And then by the time I get home, I collapse in my bed and enjoy an episode or two of either Glee or Bones to silence all of the thoughts that are drowning me.


WAIT A MINUTE! I'm in freaking Belgium? Shouldn't I be traveling? ugh. This would be the time to mention that I'm traveling to France on Thursday. Until then I am going to stress, because I have to write a paper before I leave. While there I will stress, because I have more work that will pile up and I will have to do the second I get home. On the bright side, I haven't had a panic attack yet? bahaha.

OKAY. I am over the analyzing tonight. I have been listening to this song on repeat for the past week and I think it applies quite well to my current feelings. It is called "New Deep" . . . do I really need to tell you the artist?


I'm so alive
I'm so enlightened
I can barely survive
A night in my mind
I've got a plan
I'm gonna find out just how boring I am
And have a good time

Cause ever since I tried
Trying not to find
Every little meaning in my life
It's been fine
I've been cool
With my new golden rule

Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
And talk is the same cheap it's been

Is there a God?
Why is he waiting?
Don't you think of it odd
When he knows my address?
And look at the stars
Don't they remind you of just how feeble we are?
Well it used to, I guess

Cause ever since I tried
Trying not to find
Every little meaning in my life
It's been fine
I've been cool
With my new golden rule

Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
And talk is the same cheap
It's been

I'm a new man
I wear a new cologne and
You wouldn't know me if your eyes were closed
I know what you'll say
'This won't last longer than the rest of the day'
But you're wrong this time
You're wrong

Numb is the new deep
Done with the old me
I'm over the analyzing
Tonight

Stop trying to figure it out
(you try to figure, you try to figure it out)
It will only bring you down
You know, I used to be the back
porch poet with my book of lines
Always open knowing all the time I'm problably
Never gonna find the perfect rhyme
For 'heavier things'